I have entered my third attempt in one year to get new grass sprouted and growing under the big Chinese elm trees in our yard. My previous disappointing attempts all share at least one common issue: my failure to consistently keep the seed moist.

So, early in this effort, I am resorting to the desperation of trying to follow instructions.

The directions on the most current bag of False Hopes in Colored Plastic states that I should keep the seed wet “even if it means you have to water it twice a day.” So, albeit in the aftermath of recent record levels of natural irrigation, I hooked up the lawn sprinkler, set it in place and turned on the water. While I do find those silver arcs of finely streaming of water fascinating to watch, I did remember that I had other things to do.

An hour later, I also remembered that I had water running.

Yessirree, I had water running alright! Down the driveway, out in the street, along the curb and across the wide span of naked earth in what is supposed to be my lawn under the Chinese elm trees. So… I turned off the water, moved the sprinkler over and turned it back on.

Only forty-five minutes later, I remembered again.

Eight or twelve minutes would have been about right. There had to be some sort of assistive technology available, some sort of digital crutch to help me manage my own deficiencies at mindfulness, multi-tasking and lawn regeneration. And then, finally, it dawned on me: my smart phone has a timer.

So, I set the timer for eight minutes.

A half-hour later I remembered that I had water running. And… that I’d forgot to hit “Start” on the timer. So, I adjusted my technique accordingly. Moved the sprinkler again, and touched the “Start” button on the screen. Eight minutes later, right on cue and with surprising dexterity, I hit the “Stop” button to silence the alarm. And resumed reading the paper, quite happy with my adaptation and warmly assured by the way in which modern technology was helping me be a better lawn regenerator.

Thirty minutes later, I took the dog out and saw streams of water flowing across my bare but nicely saturated dirt plot. “What?! What is this?!” I yelled sternly to myself. “Why is the water still running?!” I paused to catch my mental breath. “I set the timer. I started the timer. I even turned it off. Why is the water still running?!”

Sadly it appears that my smart phone is somewhat over-rated. All that fuss with the timer, alarm and what have you and it didn’t even figure out that the whole point was about turning off the water. Apparently, it doesn’t really matter what level of technology is available if you don’t use it properly.

Sort of reminds me about how often we don’t pray about stuff but then turn around and worry ourselves sick over it. And wonder why God let our yard get in such sorry condition.

H. Arnett
5/15/19