In the midst of life’s deepest griefs, in the moment of our greatest fears, in the time of trials and testings, in the unbounded joy of greatest blessing and in the rut-running routine of life in between all those, choices come to us. The voices of faith and fear, delight and doubt, all draw near and seek us out, whispering, clamoring, seeking to draw us near to God or to draw us deeper into the fog of wondering and questioning. Dusk sometimes giving way to darkness.
Some avoid that bog of doubt, kept out either by faith, indifference or oblivion. Others slog through their cynicism, further convinced by each disappointment, each hurt, each turning, that all is indeed, bleak and lost, the cost always exceeding the payoff. Each step further into the blackness convincing them that light is an illusion.
Others simply resolved in their own hearts and minds that there were things beyond their control and other things controlled by their own choices and still others, perhaps left to chance. Regardless of cause, these ones always sought the good, accepted the bad, grieved loss and were comforted, healed and continued on.
As for me, there have been times when I wondered whether the evil in me would ever be tamed, when I stepped into the slough, not by deceit but by my own choosing. I blamed others as long as I could but found they had little to do with it. Ultimately, I did evil because I delighted in it. I sinned because sin appealed to me.
Broken, in agony, I finally cried out, “It is me, Lord. It is me.”
And though I still see the long after lingerings of effect, I know that I have been cleaned and in the words of that fine old hymn, penned by a widower grieving at the very spot where his family perished, “… my sin, not in part, but the whole has been nailed to the cross and I bear it no more.”
Yes, indeed, praise the Lord!